Self-Destruction

There are no boundaries to the process of self-destruction... It’s up to you to stop it from happening. The sad thing is, plenty of people don't understand how such a feat can be accomplished. Yet still, I can't help but laugh at those that know what I'm talking about and say it can't be stopped at all... there is no way.
You see, the thing I've come to realize is that no one cares too much about one person that they know, to step in and cut a fuse. Of course not right? It would require getting closer to a person that is about to destroy themselves and everything close to them and no one wants to be in the blast radius. It's like trying to disarm a bomb without any experience. And on top of that, there are a hundred different wires. If you cut the wrong one then you're screwed...
But the really sad thing is that people would rather watch the explosion from a distance instead of run in and try to help. Sometimes people need a hero but most would rather wait until their friend is in pieces and then try to pick them up and put them together again, and those are only the good friends. What nobody understands is that at that point in the process the destructing doesn't want your help. They wanted your help earlier... but now that you've failed them as a true friend they want nothing to do with you. They would rather pick up their own pieces and reinvent themselves. They don't want the people that failed them to have any say in the new person that comes out of the rubble.
Ah but here is where it gets interesting. We have taken a look at what a self-destruct looks like from a third person point of view. Now let us dive into the mind of the broken person. What usually starts the countdown is not something huge. That is not to say that it can’t be. Sometimes it is. However, from personal experience I can inform you that most of the time it is a sequence of well-timed triggers that would have little to no effect if they were to come at separate times. In a sense it's almost like a key that fits the lock to a person’s pain receptors. Each of the multiple grooves on the key have to all slide in place at the right time to activate the tumblers and allow for an overwhelming flow of despair to come from within the mind.
Once that happens the process needs no further prompting. The momentum from that wave of despair can turn the happiest individual into the most doleful and melancholic being in the world. Yet just like anything that starts of and relies on momentum to build it usually starts small, like a snowball on a mountain, but increases at an exponential rate. It has the same effect. For days, the subject may walk and talk and act normal to the untrained eye. At this point only a true friend could really spy a difference in behavior. Perhaps the subject has gained a nervous silence, which is most often the case with me. Or maybe he or she has decided to do something radical that normally they wouldn't. These are early signs, but signs nonetheless... If one tries to contact the subject at this point he or she may only receive a normal response from them so as to indicate nothing is wrong. In fact, had someone realized something was unusual and asked what was wrong the subject may simply tell them that everything is fine, or okay. This trance-like state is a coping mechanism for most and the subject is most likely completely unaware that anything outside his or her mind is happening. They are way too busy trying to find the key and shut up all of the pain inside, practically waging war with their own mind. That, to them is how important it is to stop the flow.
As they continue to wage war with the process that claims so many, their outward actions and behavior finally starts to show it. For some it may happen overnight as if the snowball fell off of a cliff and began to role faster all of a sudden. For others, the snow ball may continue to roll down the mountain at a steady pace or even slow down at certain times indicating that the subject may be fighting a winning battle at some points. Still, for most people, this is not nearly enough to overcome the process entirely, because in order to do so, they must not only stop the snowball but reverse its progress down the mountain.
Now, the subject starts to realize that he or she cannot win. The pain becomes overwhelming. They will turn to their conscious existence outside their mind to ask for help sometimes. Other times, they will insist that they distance themselves from everyone around. The first kind are the ones that have not lost hope of defeating the momentum of their downfall but the second kind are those that have accepted defeat and given up, thinking that no one can help. Both are equally dangerous. For simplicity’s sake we will call the first kind "case one" and the second "case two."
When we examine case one, we find that these are usually more social people. They have always had friends and have found a way to trust them. Thus they believe that they can help now. They know of the power of unity and sometimes these people escape their destruction with a few scrapes and bruises, but whole nonetheless. Case two is much more of a lost cause. Even fewer of these are able to escape. They always tend to keep to themselves and have no one that they feel they can trust to help, even if they have friends or family that in theory could help if only they would trust them. However, they have a weapon that they can use in place of the friendship that case one uses. Most case twos have learned to deal with solitude, and in doing so, they themselves have become extremely resilient and can make a choice at this point to try to weather the explosion as a true stoic, or fight back with their acquired strength and some will even win. It is almost as if they have been trained to resist. They are callus and strong because of their endeavors...
Around this time people are trying to get away from the subject, waiting for it to happen because most can see it coming. Now, during the final stages, as the snowball either begins to overwhelm the subject or the subject begins to slow its progress they both approach the base of the mountain and there are myriad a ways that this could show in the persons behavior. Some will become even sadder, or worse, start lashing out at those around them in anger that can escalate to fury spontaneously. The subject only does this because he or she blames them for not helping or is now desperately trying to push people away to avoid hurting them. This can all be extremely confusing and no doubt deters people even more from helping. There are however, a few rare cases in which the subject will become overwhelmingly happy and jubilant, indicating one of two things. The subject has actually won the battle with his or her mind and is genuinely ecstatic, or they have lost against all odds and are overwhelmed to such an extent that they are in disbelief. Only the second one of these is extremely dangerous but the fact that they can be extremely hard to tell apart is the true danger. One might think it is safe to return to the subject right before they have their final breakdown.
This is the dividing line where those that will win finally emerge victorious. Yet, one that has been pushed that far usually does not escape completely well or unscathed. They carry scars and wounds that may even kill them later, and so in a sense they have not truly won. Others that win at this point will emerge seemingly fine, but inside they are torn apart by the fight. Questions and meanings to things the never wanted to think on or realize were what brought them out of it, and they can end up dipping in and out of the realm of sanity from that point on, burdened by what they found out about themselves and the “friends” that they thought they had. But for most, their battle with the snowball is lost…
As the snowball hits bottom the breakdown begins. For some it lasts a few hours, others, a lifetime. It all depends on the person and the triggers. It could display itself in the form of a small firecracker, a case of dynamite, or a supernova. By now it is too late for anyone to step in and help. The subject is spurred on by the sense of abandonment, much like some of those that have escaped but the difference is that when they break down with this feeling in their head they are more likely to act upon it. Regardless of the duration or the severity of the end result, the person ceases to exist and their heart and mind must then be collected and rebuilt and such a feat is even more hopeless then stopping what destroyed them in the first place.

Now I have but one request for you my reader:
Remember this process and learn to help others when you see it unfolding. You do not have to be an expert bomb technician to disarm this one. There is a way to help these people regardless of what type or stage they are in. Don’t run away. Why save yourself if you never get to see that person the same way again. If you care at all about them then realize that it is not necessarily your job to cut the wires. That is their job. But when someone has to fight that fight, or they have to cut that wire, and they can look over at someone standing right next to them. They can find confidence in the fact that that person trusts them even in such a state as they are to cut the right one… And they most likely will.

The Good

I woke up ready for school just about as soon as I stepped out of bed. Never mind my hair, and forget the tedious task of matching colors. I through on the nearest t-shirt that didn't look like it had been worn yet this week, swapped my sweat pants for jeans, and hurried out the door to my car. I was in such a hurry that I forgot to grab something for breakfast on my way out the door. My mind was set on him from the second it surfaced from the depths of my subconscious. It was like this most of the time.

I had met him a few months ago at a concert. Before then we didn't even know that we had been going to the same school for two years. That night he was just a kind kid that had turned and offered his hoody to me when it had started to rain. I had been wearing a thin shirt at the time and I took it without even realizing that this was the kid I passed every day in the halls between classes. High school was like that. You built up a group of friends and you stuck with them because there were way too many people to even think about trying to get to know them all, especially at Turner High. Only when the next day came around did he approach me to ask if I had enjoyed the concert. After that, he had disappeared for a while; lost within the haze that was school life. When he resurfaced again a few weeks later he had a much more sincere and outgoing feel about him and he asked if I was available for a movie that Saturday night. Though it was kind of juvenile, and maybe a little too much like middle school I accepted, thinking that there might be more to him than what he let on. After that, I was hooked.

I spent the entire drive to school wondering if he was going to be there today. He had said something about having to go a relative's house to help work on the roof. I just couldn't remember when he had said he was going. I arrived, pulled into the junior parking lot and whipped into my parking space. In another few minutes I was inside on my way to the courtyard to meet him in our usual spot. It was early. All of the clocks in the hall read five after seven except for the one on the far end which had stopped working some unknown amount of years ago. It was eternally resting at three fifty two and no one ever bothered to rewire it or replace it.

To my great surprise I found him sitting there in our spot under the crooked tree in the courtyard. He always argued that it was the prettiest of all the trees that lined the edges of the courtyard.

"You're early today, Adora." I couldn't see his face but I knew he was smiling. He knew. Somehow he knew everything before I had a chance to even reach him. "Come with me I'll buy you breakfast in the cafeteria."

I didn't object. I was hungry and he was offering so I sped up to fall in step by his side taking his hand in mine and sending him a soft glancing smile. He chuckled again and pulled me along through the doors to the cafeteria and we walked past all of the empty tables to the front. He watched as I picked a random prepackaged breakfast and brought it to the front to pay. He put in his pin number and the lady smiled at how cute we looked just standing there. We were the only two there that early. I blushed as he squeezed
my hand silently giving me the sign that it was time to go.

I picked up my breakfast and we marched out of the lunchroom and back into the cold, crisp, fall morning.
"So how early did you get up to make yourself look this pretty today?" He asked.

"Oh stop kidding yourself, Corey." I was becoming increasingly aware of just how neglectful I had been this morning.

"Nonsense!" He blurted out, "You know I think your beautiful anyway."

Somehow just hearing the words tumble flawlessly from his lips made everything okay. I turned and through my arms up around his neck and stared at him taking in all of the details, concentrating on his beautiful grey eyes. They were the cold that crept up on the world on a morning like this one. It wasn't a bad cold. It was a cozy one. Much like the feeling one gets when they curl up under a thin sheet at night and lay their head on a soft cool pillow. He was taken aback at first but then smiled and I lay my head against his chest as he wrapped his arms around me and we stood there for a minute. His hoody was riddled with his scent and the inside of it was extremely soft so I focused on it, inhaling deeply and smiling at how perfect this moment was

And then it was over. He pulled away and kissed my forehead before again taking my hand and leading me back to the tree where we both lay under the bare branches. I lay there with my head on his chest and he folded one arm behind his head resting it on the trunk of the tree and kept his other hand next to min on his chest.

He woke me up shortly after the bell rang for first period and reluctantly, I stirred to life and picked up my backpack. We hadn't talked much this morning at all but we didn't have to. We only need to be with each other. Words and appearances were meaningless. We were content to simply be there together. I was ripped from my thought by the soothing sound of his voice,

"I'll see you after third period okay?"

I nodded, he smiled, and almost as if it were a dream he was gone, walking across the grass to the opposite side of the building. I had to go the other way.

The rest of the day was easy. I finished most of my work in class and was able to keep my homework minimal so that I could text him later. I had to admit, an obsession this great couldn't be healthy. But then again, I had dated other guys before and gotten somewhat attached to a couple of them but they weren't as addictive. They weren't nearly as necessary. Though we hadn't known each other a year ago it seemed hard now to imagine life void of Corey now.

When I got home I sent him a text and asked if he could come over but as I feared he replied with a no. He had to drive his little brother to soccer practice. An Idea popped into my head and I sent him another text,

"Hey, where does your little bro practice?" I asked.

His response was swift, "Moss Rock Sports Park"

That was all I needed to know. I flew out the door for the second time today and made my way through the suburbs towards the fields. I had a vague idea as to where to find them. Twenty minutes and a few dead ends later I wound up at the fields and found myself searching for his Deep purple, ninety-seven Mustang in the parking lot. I found it and pulled up into the space next to it. He wasn't inside the car so I texted him again and asked where he was. When I heard a muffled vibration from inside the car I rolled my eyes and set out towards the path down to the back fields hoping to find him along the way.

The night air was growing cold. Now it was beyond a comfortable chill. I started to shiver. As I reached a field with a dozen or so little kids running around in semi-unorganized circles I caught sight of what I was looking for. He was leaning up against the fence wearing the same jeans he had worn to school and a different shirt along with his customary hoody that I loved so much. I slowly walked up behind him hoping to finally spook him for the first time and just as I was about to yell he turned around and smiled.

"Cute. Nice try."

"Meany!" I yelled, "You're supposed to let me get you! Don't you know how this works?"

"Oh oh. One sec." His words were dripping with mockery and the blood rushed to my cheeks as he turned back around. "Ready when you are." He said.

I was mad momentarily but then I decided not to play this little game of his. Instead we would play mine. I took off running in the opposite direction and didn't stop when I heard him yell back after me having turned around and caught sight of me running. It didn't take long for him to catch me. When he got close I turned around and he slowed down a little before wrapping his arms around me and twirling me through the air in a circle. He put me down and we both slouched into a heap in the grass.

We talked for the majority of David's practice just laying there together. I kept thinking about how strange it seemed that my life would play out so well. Almost as if someone who cared was scripting it for me day by day to draw out the most happiness they could. I looked over at him and he caught my gaze. For a second I shivered and before I could even ask he handed me his hoody. I smiled and scooted over to him sitting up to put it over my shoulders and he motioned for me to come closer. I did. He leaned in as if he were going to kiss me and then whispered,

"Payback..." He sprung up and darted back towards our cars up the trail and I sat there stunned for a moment before getting up to chase him.

"That's so not fair, Corey!" I yelled but he was long gone. I was legitimately frustrated with him but I couldn't help but smile. He was going to win this one.

When I reached the cars he was leaning up against his with a smug smile that seemed way to out of character to be real. I threw him a slightly irritated glance and he walked over to my car with me.

"Sorry." He said, "Is something bothering you?"

"Yes! You still haven't kissed me today." It came out a lot more serious than I had intended it but I let the words hang there to see how he would take it.

"I guess your right" He laughed and took me in his arms and then kissed me.

For the second time that day time itself, seemed to stop and bow down to the moment. Everything was as it should have been. He let go and I sighed letting the moment flicker and disappear just as it had this morning. There would be plenty more I thought.

David and the rest of his friends had finished practice and were all shuffling up the walkway one and two at a time. "I've got to take him home." he said.

I was brought back to earth, "Okay." I said. There was something else nipping at the front of my mind. I wanted to say it so bad but he hadn't said it yet. I didn't know if he felt that or not. I mean, I hope he did but I couldn't be sure. That night I held my tongue.

"Goodnight. Don't forget, I won't be at school tomorrow" He said, stepping back and ducking into his car.

"Yeah, I remember." I lied.

There was a roar of V8 engine and a smooth dart of Purple and he was gone. I climbed back in my own car and left for home.

*          *          *

He wasn't at school the next day as expected and without him it was barely possible to sit through class. When he didn't show up the next day I thought it a little strange but I waited patiently for his arrival the next day. Having to sit through another day without him was torture.

That night it occurred to me that I had gotten so caught up in Corey that I hadn't spoken to a single one of my friends in a few weeks. But when I sent a couple of texts out I got no replies so I resigned myself to fall asleep.

The next day I waited in the courtyard again for him and finally, about half an hour later than usual, he showed. He walked slowly across the courtyard as if he were extremely worn out. When he got close he spoke,

"No hugs today. I'm extremely sore."

"Oh. Okay then." I had to stop mid hug before I touched him and back off. "why were you gone yesterday? You said you'd only be gone one day."

"yeah, yeah, I know. It so turns out that if you fall off a roof and hit your head your aloud to stay at home to recuperate for a day or so." He winced slightly as he stood up. When the bell rung I went to hand him the hoody,

"No you keep it for now. I'm sure you'd like that." He gave a tortured grin and walked off in the opposite direction towards his first period class. I laughed softly and turned to go but stopped abruptly and wheeled back around.

"Hey Corey?" I shouted after him

"Yes?" He was about half way across the courtyard and there were plenty of people around but at this point I couldn't wait any longer.

"I love you!" I shouted.

A small tear trickled down his face and I could see it as it fell to the ground. A crowd of strangers were watching us with confused looks. It took a few seconds but his response was as clear as day when it came back through the air,

"I love you too Adora!" He smiled and another tear rolled down the other cheek and he turned to walk away. I was overwhelmed with excitement. I gathered my stuff and ran to class taking my usual seat next to one of my close friends. She had been in the courtyard just now and when she looked at me she started to cry.

"What's wrong Alivia?" I asked concerned.

"Adora, are you okay?"

"Why yes I'm fine." I replied, "Why?"

"Well everyone is asking why your here at school instead of at the funeral. And then that little stunt you just pulled in the courtyard. That was scary. I'm worried about you." By now the entire class was looking at me. Some of them were also crying.

"What are you talking about, Alivia? When I said this even our teacher Mrs. Paul started to sob ito a handkerchief.

"Alivia! What is going on here!" I was so desperately confused. Everything was so perfect just a second ago. I was beginning to get irritated.

"Adora, please stop acting crazy. Don't you know? Corey fell off of his uncle's roof two days ago... He's dead...

Actions Speak Louder, Right?

          I've been debating for a while now whether or not I should attempt this. I am reluctant but I feel that if I were to prove this point then this is that best way to do so. Starting tomorrow, I will take a vow of silence, in which I will not communicate in ANY shape form or fashion with anyone. The one exception I may consider is teachers, seeing as I am a student, and being such I have to maintain some form of contact to earn grades and avoid troublesome misunderstandings. Tomorrow, September 12th, 2011, I will begin a five day period of silence that will hopefully prove that when one is sincere in his motives then his or her actions do indeed speak louder than his or her words...
          During this week of silence if I am to break concentration then I will let the world know. Similarly, if the concept does not hold to be true then i will admit to the fallibility of it. Wish me luck. I bid you goodbye for the next one hundred and twenty hours.

The Boundaries of Time are Greater

Something interesting to contemplate...

If two people were placed a mile apart and told to walk towards each other then they would eventually reach each other were nothing else to occur in order to distract them or shoe them of course. But now take these same two people and place their existence a couple of seconds apart. Now tell them to reach each other.

You might think that the answer is simple; Wait in the same spot for a couple seconds. However, both would be completely disappointed to see that they could never catch up or wait for the other. As they both stood in one spot waiting to reach each other they are continuously making progress through time and thus they are in completely different worlds all together. One could not exist in the others word. Indeed they would probably never know that the other one exists.

So my proposition is this:

Contemplate the idea that there are millions of alternate realities that are so close to each other that they touch but never will one reach the other because they are moving through time at the exact same rate. If you happen to know what an asymptote line is then picture one. The gap in between ties would be that close but always infinitely separated.

The Tears of an Angel

We were walking for what seemed like hours when suddenly we stumbled into a large clearing. There were wildflowers growing in the grass, sage, rosemary and many more were scattered throughout the blades, the majority of them a nice light purple. Then I heard it. A small and faint sound came from somewhere farther into the meadow. We walked cautiously trying not to make too much noise, listening intently. It was a beautiful sound, such a beautiful sound that I my eyes began to tear. Whomever or whatever was making it was tortured. Tortured by something too deep to mentally fathom, a wound that would never heal. I knew that I couldn't cry. This must be how it did its killing. If I cried then I would have to close my eyes, and then... I didn't want to think about it.
We came up over a small hill and finally caught sight of it. At that moment It stopped. The weeping ceased and there in the middle of the field a good distance away stood a large structure on top of which the tombstone along with its guardian was clearly visible. It was an impressive structure. Past the tower we could see nothing but field for miles.
"Korey! halt yourself, stay your tears and listen to me. Whatever you do, do not blink unless I give you word." My voice was frantic and full of fear at this point, there was no hiding it. "If we are to live you must trust me entirely do you understand?"
"Hardly, Dante" His voice became equally distraught with fear and I realized that I needed to compose myself for both of our sake. "When can I blink?"
I hesitated for a moment, finally gaining control of my eyes, "Blink now." I said, regaining my determined and more hardy voice. But when you open your eyes keep them fixed upon the angel and wait for my signal to blink again."
"Aye." came the hesitant response.
We both let our eyes fix themselves upon the angel as I said one more thing, "Korey, you need to stay far from it but close enough to hear me. Does this make sense?"
"Not really, but I feel like I no longer have any option but to trust you, so do continue."
"Very well, like I said, keep your eyes upon that angel. Not even for one second can you look away or blink unless I give you word. If you do we will both die here like so many of the others before us."
"Okay, then what is the plan? What are you going to do?"
"I'm going up there..." I said it with as much courage as I could muster and started to move towards the tower quickly. I looked up at the angel and yelled back at Korey, "Blink!" I waited a second until I heard him respond with an all good and then continued, this time sprinting across the meadow through the flowers and grass as fast as I could. Again I stopped and looked up at the angel and yelled, "Blink!" again came the all good response.
This cycle repeated for a few more minutes as both of us advanced across the field towards the tower. When I reached the base I stopped. The angel was perched in such a manor that I would not be able to see it if I advanced any closer to the tower. I had seen this problem coming but had yet to think of a solution. Inevitably I was going to have to make a run for the top. It wasn't too tall, but my only concern was how long the climb would take, compared to how long Korey could keep his eyes open.
"Korey, you've done great so far but we have yet to scratch the surface of this challenge. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask a monumental favor of you." I was hoping that he wouldn't pick up on the doubt that registered in my voice. Apparently though, he had.
"Why do you still doubt me so much, Dante? We've made it this far have we not?"
"You're right, Korey. Forgive me, but I'm going to have to ask you to hold your eyes open for a much longer amount of time now. It may take me up to a minute to get up there or at least get within sight of the angel."
"Dante, at this point I've accepted the fact that we cannot turn back. We might as well give it a try. Am I right?"
"I couldn't have put it better, Korey." I hesitated, knowing he would want a moment of preparation and looked back up at the angel again telling him to blink. "Are you ready, Korey?"
"Yes, yes! Lets get going here now!"
"Okay, you know the drill. I'll take every second you can give me."
"Of course, Dante."
"Blink!" He blinked and I tore my eyes off of the statue making a dash for the entrance throwing the door open and finding the stairs. They spiraled up the walls of the tower along the inside, and without hesitation I few to them and began my way to the top. Only a view seconds had passed but they might as well have been an eternity. Each stair was another second that Korey fought the impulse to close his eyes and relieve himself of the burning that not even a hardened man could stand.
The top came into sight and I tried to throw open the large hatch blocking the way up but it was bolted down. I knew what I had to do. I closed my eyes and pictured the wooden hatch above me, concentrating all of my energy into my arm. Suddenly I released it, and as I envisioned myself punching through the wood and breaking it I felt the grains give in to the blow and crack. It hadn't broken it in two but I gave it one more try and that did it. The boards gave way to my fist and few up out of the hole onto the top of the tower. I climbed up out to the top just ask I heard Korey start to yell for me.
"Dante! Where are you!" His voice was panicked and doubtful. I turned and finally lay my eyes on the angel a few feet in front of me. then yelled,
"Blink, Korey!"
"Oh my eyes, Dante! My eyes!" He sounded as if he were sure he was going to keel over and die on the spot.
"I know Korey, I know! I yelled at him from the top of the tower, always sure to keep my eyes trained on the angel which was still in its original weeping position. What a success this had been.
"Can I ask you to watch the angel once more Korey?" I waited for a moment as my own eyes started to burn,
"Aye! I'm watching it!" was the response. I blinked and led myself to the front of the tomb. It was a beautiful structure, made entirely of marble and engraved with the words, "He who was to change the world, and she who couldn't have prevented it." However I didn't let myself delay, I fixed my eyes upon the angel once again.
"Blink!" the exchange was quick and I took up a position at the head of the tomb a few inches from the angel. "Korey, here is where you truly have no option but to trust me. I want you to look away. Close your eyes, distract yourself however you may please but do not watch the angel!" I was worried and surly it came across in my words but I could only hope that Korey would obey.
"Okay, Dante" His words had a hint of reluctance but the trust that had been constructed in the last few minutes was to deep for him to ignore.
When I could feel that Korey had looked away I prepared myself for the worst and lay a had on the angel's shoulder drawing myself close to it. Then I did what I was sure no one had ever done before... I closed my eyes.

The fact that I was still standing even just a moment after I had closed my eyes relieved me greatly. Every tense muscle in my body unwound itself and I calmed my nerves. I had been right. The I felt the angel move. It scared me at first but I was sure to keep my composure. I forced myself to remain calm and trust my original judgment. It seemed less and less threatening as I felt it hoist itself up from the head of the tomb and position itself standing in front of me. The I felt it.
All of the emotions inside the being welled up inside me as well, pure anguish and self loathing bubbled to the top of these and I was extremely tempted to break contact with the angels shoulder and lose my form but I didn't I waited for the angel to decide. It was still weeping and I could feel its tears fall upon my forearm. They burned like fire, full of sorrow and remorse, each and every one.
When it moved again this time I did not flinch. It took great caution in stepping closer to me and slowly embraced me as a child would its mother. The tears fell less frequently and I opened my eyes, looking out over the angels shoulder but not at it at all. That moment it was I who began to cry. I let out my own feelings. I let it absorb my sorrow and my pains. David, Amanda, Kyle, and all of the other whom believed me to be dead were all there, so close to me at that moment.
That was when I made the request I had come to make. No words ever passed between me and the angel, but I closed my eyes and turned as if to look it in the face pulling out of the embrace gently. I heard a loud noise of which I could not determine the origin. Then I felt something enter my hand. It was smooth and cold to the touch and a length of thread was attached to it. Then the angel ceased to weep entirely. Still having not opened my eyes I turned the object over in my hand. I was ever so curious as to what it was that I found myself longing to open my eyes.I waited however, until I heard the angel shuffle away and take up its position at the head of the tomb once more.
I opened my eyes. In my hand was a small, crystal vial containing a view drops of the substance I had come for. I put the brilliant golden thread around my neck and let the vial hang there. The tears warmed the vial when it shook softly. The angel was sitting at the edge of the tomb, no longer distraught with its horrible fate but looking lovingly down at the marble with its hand brushing the top as though it were a mother ruffling the hair of her infant. I sighed, finally at peace.
I turned to go and heard the strokes of the angel gently on the top of the tomb, and just as calmly as I could, made my way back down through the tower. When I came out of the open wooden door at the base I closed it softly and resisted looking back.
"Korey, are you well?"
"Yes, Dante. " He sounded relieved to hear my voice and I didn't blame him. I never would have been able to do what he did.
"We can go now." I said.
"wait? that's it?" he sounded astonished.
"Yes, Korey. We can go.
"What the hell just happened?"
"I'll explain later." I said.
"But I don't understand! How can we turn our backs on it now?" He tried to look over his shoulder but I stopped him and kept him walking forward through the grass. "Just trust me. She is at peace now."
He was hesitant but nonetheless continued to walk until we got to the edge of the forest once more. Then I turned and allowed him to ask the question again,
"So what the hell just happened, Dante? He was more intrigued then irritated.
"She trusts us... and I trust her..." I knew exactly what had happened, the entire exchange had taken place in my mind. The only two that would ever know were the angel and me, but I found satisfaction in the explanation I finally gave him,
"I forgave her..." The words never sounded like they were enough to describe what took place, and I dare say there are no words that could, but if anything could come close it was forgiveness...

Another Glimpse Through Dante's Eyes

      At that moment, I spotted yet another wave of troops scrambling across the other side of the canyon in our direction. If they were to reach us we would not hold out much longer, certainly not through the next few hours. But I had been tasked with this. This was my job, and I couldn’t be a failure here. There was no room for failures in the Nijasu.

I struck my way through the hoard and found Kyle, “Friend, we have a couple visitors that need tending to,” I yelled over the roar of the men and the clashes of the swords. I pointed towards the bridges linking the two canyon walls together.

“Aye we do,” Came the response, “should we cut the rope on the bridges?”

“No, that would only provoke the shot of bows, for which we don’t have much of anything on hand to defend ourselves with.”

“Good call. Then what?”

I blocked an oncoming assailant and nudged him backwards off the cliff and then yelled back, “We have to slow them down; restrain the flow of their men. I say we cut all but one or two of the bridges and channel them to us individually.”

“Insane, maybe even suicidal, but brilliant if it works; I’m game!”

“Aye! On my break make a run for the farthest two bridges. I’ll be on your heels to cut the bridges and meet you there!” There was a slight pause as another two men flung themselves at us both knocking Kyle down and putting me into the side of the wall. I kicked the man in the side spinning him and caught his head with my arms and turned it rapidly to the side then pushed his limp body away off the cliff. When I looked over at Kyle he was back on his feet and the man was gone but he was clutching his shoulder.

“Are you still up to this?” I asked him.

He looked back at me with eyes I hadn’t ever seen in him before and I knew that there was no way he would back down now. He turned to parry one more before running his blade through the man.

“Break!” I yelled.

He spun on his heels and darted for the bridges and I only took the time to cut down a few more men before I did the same. Everything slowed down at that point. As I dodged the last of the crowd and broke into a full sprint across the Cliffside I reached out and brought my sword down on the first bridge taking out the first rope and then the second. The bridge groaned and fell down across the canyon to the other side. After another couple dozen yards I reach out once more and severed both ropes to the next bridge. Then the next and the next until there were two left and the mass of enemy soldiers had started to cross.

I saw Kyle looking back at me with a slight twisted smile right before I reached the nearest bridge and took up my position at the end. I turned my head to face the enemy and then glanced at Kyle one more time before we both finally charged to meet the soldiers at the middle. The boards were stiff and durable with a few exceptions here and there as they creaked beneath my feet. A stray arrow buzzed through the air as I reached the first soldier and managed to get the first strike off on his head, careful not to cut at the rope. He fell limp and I pulled my sword up out of him as his body rolled to the side swaying the bridge. I stumbled but caught my footing and struck out at the next man who had made his way over his fallen comrade towards me. My blade landed in his chest and I pushed him back into the next victim so as to impale him as well. I put my foot against his chest and heaved my sword out of them both as they fell gasping, one tumbling over the rope into the canyon.

I turned to see Kyle was doing just as well having killed four or five of them already. “Take it easy friend!” I yelled, “It’s not a competition!”

I could hear him let out a quick laugh in the distance then yell back, “Says the loser!”

“Oh that tears it!” I turned and slashed at the clumsy soldier approaching. We were in luck. These soldiers had little to no armor and were obviously poorly trained, save for a few who stuck out with a bit of skill.

One by one they fell at my feet and about ten yards to my left they fell at Kyle’s. Not a single one could match us. Every now and then a stray arrow would come our way and we would lose some ground in order to dodge it or use an enemy as a shield but the fight was in our favor. We had the upper hand; the batter training and circumstances.

Then something went wrong. The sound was familiar; snapping twain. It chilled us and I glanced over to see where Kyle was and my heart sunk in my chest when I saw that his bridge was sagging and had bowed to one side. He was struggling to keep his balance. I through the man I was currently occupied with back against the line and yelled, “Kyle! Fall back! It’s not worth it!”

“The dumbass cut the rope when I killed him!” Came the response.

“Get back and cut the bridge!” I yelled franticly.

“Aye! I’m trying!” He shuffled slowly down the bridge until he reached the side all the while still holding the men off who dared follow him. He reached the edge and finally cut the rope. This bridge fell fast, weighed down by dozens of terrified men.

At that moment an arrow flew through the air and struck me hard in the shoulder. I reeled in pain but forced myself to get back up and fight. The men saw their opportunity and charged at me with newly invigorated vengeful hearts and bloodlust most likely over the ones I’d already killed in front of them.

I desperately slashed and stabbed at them until I couldn’t bear to lift my arm above my head. I kicked the closest man back against the rest stalling for time as I drew my knife from my vest and hacked at one of the support lines. It gave in and screams erupted as the bridge drooped and rolled to one side sending men over the line to their deaths bellow. I wrapped my bad arm tightly in the remaining rope and used my good arm to saw at the line. As the men finally closed in the line gave way and the bridge snapped in two.

I could hear Kyle on the cliff above, “Dante!”

I felt the rope pull tight and strain under my weight as it swung towards the cliff and I braced for impact with the rock. Above the screams of the falling soldiers I could hear a loud snap as my body struck the Cliffside. I was instantly bombarded with an earsplitting headache and I could no longer feel my arm, I took my good arm and grabbed onto one of the boards trying to pull myself up. I couldn’t make any progress.

“Kyle! Pull me up!” I shouted.

“Aye! Hold on!” He retorted.

“No I thought I’d just let go!” I yelled back.

The boards began to grind against the rocks as the bridge slid up the face of the cliff. I looked back over my shoulder and watched the remaining men on the other side of the cliff try to pull up survivors of their own still clinging to the bridge but to no avail. One man’s heels slid through the dirt off the edge and the bridge straightened back out taught with the tension and then snapped under the pressure hurling everything any everyone down the cliff side.

“We’ve got you Dante,” came a voice above me. “Heave!” She yelled.

As I came up over the edge I saw the faces of my men there to welcome me along with Kyle and the ever so stunning Amanda… My savior…

Acceptance

‎          "Look out over the masses, Dante. Thirty thousand strong camp in the valley below tonight. This includes that little friend of yours. The moment you become one of us is the moment that you become more important than all of them. Not individually either, but as a whole. Now answer the question. What part of death is a part of life as well?"
          "The same that is a part of my name..." I replied.
          "Explain your answer, Dante."
          "In this world there are only material things and only literal things. Were I to contemplate anything else in this world it would be a waist of my time. Indeed we will have all the time we need to think of the abstract when we finally become a part of the abstract world will we not? So my answer was born from the idea that the only thing about death that I need be concerned with is that it is a word in my vocabulary."
          "Dante, you're answer is a convoluted one, but also a meaningful one as well... Welcome to the Nijasu."